Cries in Silence
by HeavenlyBodies
Summary: Cas knew it wasn't the sex, it wasn't the roughness of the act, it was the connection. NOTE THE WARNINGS!


**Disclaimer:** Not mine, never have been, never will be**  
Beta:** the lovely **darkamber**, if anything remains it falls squarely on my shoulders  
**Warnings/Squicks:** angst, rough sex, this is not one of Mys' happy fics  
**Summary:** _Cas knew it wasn't the sex, it wasn't the roughness of the act, it was the connection._

**AN1:** This does not end exactly happily, more like angst ridden and unhappily.  
**AN2:** written for **deancas_xmas** '10 for **slinkymilinky**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

It had become a ritual of sorts. At first it was only after bad, messy hunts; then it became more frequent. Now, it was every hunt, good or bad, messy or clean. Dean would pound into Cas' pliant body, fucking out his anger and frustration. Cas didn't mind, it was what Dean needed and he understood that better then Dean did. Cas knew it wasn't the sex, it wasn't the roughness of the act, it was the connection.

As soon as Dean got back to his room- Sam having long since started getting them separate rooms- he would call the angel if he wasn't already with them, and the moment they were in the room together, Dean would rush at him, pushing him down, back, to the wall, it didn't matter. He simply pushed, crushing their mouths together in a wild, violent meeting of teeth and tongues. He ground hard against the angel, the press and pull of their covered cocks an unfulfilling burn. At first Dean would rip at Cas' clothing, tearing fabric, sending buttons flying carelessly; now their clothes were gone before Dean could dive in for a second punishing kiss, removed with a thought by the angel.

Dean never seemed to notice this, and he never questioned it. He just took it gratefully; lifting Cas up until the angel wrapped his legs around Dean's waist allowing the hunter to take them wherever he wanted. Dean backed them towards the bed, harsh kisses shared between warring mouths accompanying their journey. Dean felt his legs hit the edge of the bed and he let himself fall, sitting, onto the bed, his hard, leaking cock sliding along the crease of Castiel's ass.

For long moments they exchanged angry kisses, Castiel knowing, understanding that Dean didn't want him compliant and relinquishing despite the ferocity of his actions. Castiel would always follow Dean's lead, in battle and in bed. In battle because he believed in the man clutching him, believed in his fight and his soul. In bed because he could never deny Dean anything, even himself… but that was merely what he told himself because it was what Dean wanted him to say; that it was Dean _taking_. In truth, he followed Dean to his bed because he _wanted_ to. He loved Dean to his very core, his soul, his Grace, this body; everything he had to give was Dean's and more. Not because it was what Dean wanted or needed or took, but because he loved him. He felt Dean shift, the hand on his back tightening to keep him firmly in place, and he knew Dean's other hand was reaching for the bottle he kept at his bedside.

Retrieving the bottle, Dean leaned back, pulling his angel with him, so that Cas was spread and exposed ready for whatever exquisite torment Dean had in mind.

With practiced skill Dean popped open the bottle and drizzled the liquid over the small of Cas' back and the angel felt the familiar feel as the fluid oozed into the tight space between his slightly spread cheeks. The sensation sent a jolt through Cas' body.

Dean tossed the bottle aside, letting his hands grab the soft flesh of Cas' ass pulling his cheeks further apart almost violently.

Castiel gasped in to their kiss as his body pushed down onto Dean's, trying to escape the onslaught; the movement only serving to provide tantalizing friction along his swollen cock. Suddenly the hands were gone from Castiel's ass, instead rubbing blunt nails up and down his back in what under other circumstances would have been a soothing motion, but Dean never offered that kind of comfort, it would make this something other than what it was. It would change things. And Castiel couldn't allow himself to think along those lines.

Soon enough, Dean's hands were back on Cas' ass, the fingers of one hand sliding freely between his legs, rubbing over his entrance and teasing at the skin behind his balls. He growled and bit Cas' lip eliciting a hiss from the angel.

Cas' hiss morphed into a sharp cry as a finger pushed hungrily into him; the burn flashing through him like a burst of fire. Moans began falling from his lips only to be swallowed by Dean's mouth as it plundered his. Within moments Dean's probing finger was joined by a second roughly thrust inside him next to the first. Together they wriggled and stretched creating a hot burn inside the angel, never giving his body a chance to adjust before they did some other trick or twist to widen him further.  
When Dean pulled his fingers out to the tip and added a third without warning, the searing burn exploding slowly through him at the too sudden stretch caused Castiel to scream into their relentless kiss even as he rocked back onto the intrusion. In perfect contradiction Dean began to run soothing lines along Castiel's sweat coated back once again; the contrast was maddening, an entirely new form of agony.

Castiel fought back the tears and questions Dean's actions raised, focusing all his energy on giving his hunter what he needed.

After several minutes the harsh burn passed and became a throbbing ache. No sooner had the ache become bearable than Dean ripped his fingers from his angel's body, reveling in the whimper that travelled through Cas and seemingly into him. He shifted Cas up slightly, allowing his throbbing erection to slide more easily along the cleft of his ass, letting the tip of his cock press shallowly inside him before sliding back along his sensitive skin.  
As his cock teased its tip just inside his angel Dean sat up forcing Castiel down onto his shaft. The tightening heat wrapping around him caused Dean to pull off their kiss, his breath becoming a deep moan against Castiel's still open mouth as he pushed himself home.

Castiel bit his lip to keep the sharp, pained cry from escaping his lips, Dean didn't need to know how much hurt he caused, he never meant that kind of pain and Castiel knew it. He wrapped his arms around his hunter, pulling him close as Dean rocked into him; resisting the urge to whisper soft placitudes over his hunter's flushed skin, words that would mingle with the droplets of sweat that poured slowly down Dean's cheek and neck, droplets that could have been tears for all their salty sweetness, but those were not the words Dean wanted to hear, nor was he ready to hear them, so Castiel kept them to himself, hidden inside waiting for Dean to be ready.

Dean was oblivious to his angel's thoughts, focusing only on the here and now, the tightness around him, the way the angel gave as well as he got, the force and power that clashed every time they met like this, and it was what Dean needed to let the anger flow through him and his actions to keep it from consuming him wholly, on some level in the back of his mind Dean knew this and understood it, but he never let himself think it consciously. If he did it would make what he and Cas were doing mean something and he couldn't let it mean anything, not to him, it wasn't what he deserved, especially the rough way he treated Cas almost nightly. Instead, he turned those almost feelings into something to fuel his angry fires making him drive more forcefully into the angel, willing Cas to hate him with every wild thrust.  
With speed worthy of the supernatural creatures they hunted Dean flipped Cas onto his back on the bed, plunging into him with greater force than before.

Beneath him Castiel cried for his hunter, knowing this was not him, merely a need, a way of dealing, coping. Castiel knew Dean, his great love, his need to protect, his purity and righteousness, his deep green eyes that bore into him as surely as his own eyes studied Dean in turn, he knew every scar that marred his body and every one that tore at his soul. Castiel remembered all these things as his hunter pounded into him unremorsefully, and when Dean came with a silent cry pumping and filling him, he held him that much tighter, giving him the security he craved, even if he didn't realize it.  
And when Dean pulled out of him, rolling to the side, flat on his back, eyes screwed shut in a pained grimace, a single tear sliding down his lightly stubbled cheek with something that sounded like 'thank you' drifting almost silently from his lips, Castiel smiled and ghosted a breath of a kiss over his lips before vanishing.

-o-o-

Those nights, after the angel left, Dean would roll over towards the spot where the angel had lain, placing a hand against the rapidly cooling warmth letting his tears fall and pleas for forgiveness tumble from his lips as he cried. 'I love you,' the final words whispered from his lips before darkness surrounded him.


End file.
